I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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