She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
