mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
