You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
