hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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