her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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