what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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