i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
