I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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