I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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