i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
