Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
