real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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