Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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