im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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