I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
