i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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