wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
