Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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