i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
