I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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