great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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