I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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