Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
