We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
