My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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