your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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