omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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