Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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