Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
