there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Less talking, more tequila
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
