You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
