I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
