I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
