it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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