shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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