so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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