You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize