I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
