whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
