you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize