Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
