Whod you bang
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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