bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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