So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
