Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
