Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
