I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
