You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
