Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
