Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
