dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize