I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
