I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
