put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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