My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
