You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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