First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
