She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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