i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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