The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
