4 words: hood of his car
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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