I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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