We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
