That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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