My hair reeks of homosexuality.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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