lets start a swedish sibling band together
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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