My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We are all done wearing pants today
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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