So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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