Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
