remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
