I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
