My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
