Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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