feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
