I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You pole danced in your parka.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
