super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
