Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
