I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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