super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
