it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
