Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
