Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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