Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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