I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize