I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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