I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
