Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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