We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
