I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
