Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
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