just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
