Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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