so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
