he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize