My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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